Today I met up with Aakash in NYC to hang out, since he’s starting his lawyerin’ internship tomorrow. I learned a few interesting things today:

1. Women on the Long Island Railroad will, having never met you before, tell you that you should please a woman by eating her out. This conversation will be very one-sided, and carried out in a barely intelligible gibberish. My rough translation is as follows: “Getting eaten out is the best. I love Lil’ Wayne. I’m going to Wyandanch to do that right now”.
2. Always be careful about which subway line you get on, or you might end up about nine blocks north of your target, somewhere in Harlem.
3. New York City is remarkably empty during Memorial Day, which makes walking around great.
4. Columbia University is a really nice campus, and it’s right next to Harlem, which I didn’t know.
5. In Chinatown you can buy a Cartier, Bulova, or  other luxury watches for as little as $40, probably a Rolex for even cheaper if some shady looking black guy muttering “Rolex, Rolex” while walking around in a crowd.
6. Chinatown is right next to Little Italy, and by that I mean that there is literally a building where all the signs go from Chinese to Italian.
7. While in Little Italy, there will be twenty restaurants one right after the other, and if you notice that one is much, much cheaper than the rest, there is probably a very sound reason for this.
8. New Jersey looks a hell of a lot better from the other side of the Hudson River.